I finally lost it…

It was just a matter of time I guess. Last night I had all I could handle. It finally overflowed…and I cried like a baby.

For the past 7, almost 8 years, Multiple Sclerosis has been, for me, what I call, the gift that keeps on taking.

Over the past 3 years it has moved faster in the taking than the previous 5 and it came out.

All of the frustration, all the questions, all of the anger, all of praying, and of the scared nights. It all came to a boiling point.

What triggered it?

I had trouble screwing the cap on my contact case when I was getting ready for bed.

When I got finished, I went through my bedtime routine of reading the Bible app and praying and that’s when it started. I couldn’t hold it back anymore.

My hands and fingers have progressively gotten worse over these few years. I can’t handle writing anymore, I have trouble with buttons, trouble with a lot because when my brain says move fingers, my fingers and hands say “no thanks.”

Hey look, this isn’t for sympathy, this isn’t for feeling bad for me…I’m writing this to get it out. I want you to hear the daily battles this disease causes that aren’t seen. MS is unforgiving. MS is cruel. MS is…a teacher.

You have to take the good with the bad. MS has helped mold me to who I am today. I like me. But. To get here. I was and am required to carry MS. I may not want it. Heck, I don’t wish it for anyone. But here we are. What are you going to do?

Are you going to stay home, in your room, and feel sorry for yourself? Or, are you going to praise God that you have been given a platform to speak life into people?

I’m going to go back to praising God. I may have taken a few moments to reflect and mourn the former me but now it’s time to keep fulfilling HIS mission for my life.